Timing

So blogging often never worked out for me. I over think everything and every word and wind up giving up. Giving up is a pretty common trend in my life. With 2013 quickly coming to an end I feel really excited. 2013 was a really rough year for me, but also one of the best. I have huge plans for my life, especially 2014. Going into 2014 with no bad vibes holding me back is absolutely amazing.

2013 started out poorly for me. I was in a relationship that sucked. I was constantly upset over that and had a hard time realizing it wasn't me. With this though came one of the best decisions of my life. During one of the fights I was upset and sprawled out on my couch. I was talking to my mom how I really wanted to go abroad to Africa and explore and help out. We had discussed it for awhile, but nothing became official till this one night. I'm truly thankful for that.

While away in Africa I was so upset with myself. I was working with literal babies who have had a tougher THREE years of life than I will (hopefully) ever face in my life time. Perspective got me dude. I no longer wanted to waste time fighting with a boy who could care less. I ended things, but expected that we could still be good pals. Guess what folks? You can't be good pals with someone you break up with. So literally for MONTHS I was being a desperate girl, I wouldn't even say girl.. I'd say desperate friend because all I wanted was my friend back. Regardless it didn't work out and every single witty/funny/emotional message I sent was disregarded. It sucked a lot. People get new friends, new girl friends, and change. I was trying to hold him back in the past which he was not interested in...CLEARLY. And guess what? It's okay to want to start with a blank slate. He could have done it in a much nicer way, and from this I learned a little life lesson. I don't ever wanna treat anyone like that. Everyone deserves to feel like their feelings matter. 

ANYWAYS focusing on that too much isn't my favorite thing. Being screwed over is not fun to admit, but it was half of my 2013 so I want to respect it.

But from this I learned so many things about me. This is the most corny thing I have ever said in my life, but also feels the most accurate. I truly was completely dependent on this kid. I hated college, and instead of focusing on being productive I would run away to his school and his scary friends. Not cool self. I want to be able to tackle things and not run away from problems. After having this friendship ruined I really focused on being able to finishing school as soon as possible. Without having somewhere to escape to every weekend.. OK OK I WENT HOME A LOT TO WORK... but besides that I was able to figure out my schedule out well enough to be able to graduate early. 

I've been able to be the most selfish girl in the world and only care about my family and myself. My two cousins have become my best friends and even though at times it feels pathetic it feels very secure. They're the ones who have known me forever, and we'll always be tied together in some way. I love them and they both helped me get through the year in more ways than they know. 

Also this year I have been able to do things alone. I used to be terrified to shop/eat/hike alone. Now I really enjoy doing things by myself. I'm not a full out loner, trust me I love when I have the RIGHT company, but I would much rather do things by myself then be with people I don't enjoy. 

This blog post has just turned into me typing random paragraphs about 2013 and has no flow. Did you know that this year I got a 7 out of 15 on one of my college papers because it lacked flow/comprehensiveness. OH WELL. I will continue to write short paragraph about the highlights and the lowlights of my year.

So while I was in Africa I was able to meet a lot of amazing college students. A few that I met talked about joining the PC. I myself had been debating it. One day we went on a town tour and were able to meet and see a lot of people. While on this tour I was thinking about how so many people will never be able to experience this. From this moment I knew I wanted to travel the world, but in a non-traditional way

Also this year my 84 year old grandfather and I got a puppy! His name is Turk and he is a poodle! He is adorable and I love him and he is one of the best things about 2013.

My mentoring at the middle school this year has been way more successful compared to last Fall. My relationships with both the students and teachers are way more developed. I look forward to continuing with it in the Spring.

Overall I've had some pretty low points this year, maybe some of the worse. I felt lonely/stupid/confused/rejected and just awful for quite some time. Luckily I have some amazing close friends and family that helped with everything. Is it weird to say that even though this year had some awfully low moments I've also had some of my shining moments too!?! I feel like I am going into 2014 with my own clean slate finally. This year a lot of things will be figured out and I'm extremely excited to see where it goes! 

This entire post was based off of the song "Timing is Everything". I definitely am not one to believe in everything happening for a reason, but I  do believe that the timing of life events influence future ones. I think everything that took place over this year the good/bad is going to lead me to future opportunities and life choices. Hopefully good ones, but heck I'll get over the bad ones too. 

If anyone else is reading this for some reason I wish you the best in 2014, and even though it's horribly cliche if you don't like the way things are going in your life at the moment try and flip flop them around.


From this post I seriously felt like one of those girls who posted their feelings on FaceBook and Twitter every two seconds... you know them? I just want to remind my future self if ever looking back on this, you didn't. I would like to give a slight shout out to myself for getting through this year if that isn't annoying or anything. You came out a few pounds heavier, but we can work on that. You made it through by yourself, good for you homie. 

X.