Goals are hard

Setting goals is really really really intimidating. No matter how hard I try I just can't tell if something is realistic or if I'm setting myself up for failure- I know that's a really negative way to think and a PP (positive Peggy) would never say that. It be like when I make a to do list on a Monday with more than 5 tasks on it, they never get done, and then at the end of the day I just sulk at what a fail I am. With this list I want to be setting myself up for success.. pushing myself a little, but also keeping my emotions in mind.

This isn't my first time trying to make goals. When I was a freshman in college I tried to make a life altering list as well. I didn't decide to do this on my own, and I'm actually 100% sure the speaker at the conference encouraged most of my goals. So to call it my goal list might not be correct. The speaker was really inspirational, we were at a religious conference. He was going on and on how God has a plan, but sometimes we have to take a hold of our lives. I'm actually not really sure what he was saying, but the way he was saying it sounded so inspiring. The speaker gave us a huge speech how right there in that moment we should make up 3 goals to work for. I don't really think that was fair, I can never make any type of decision ever including which drink I want from Panera (it's either Green Tea or water), so I don't think him giving me 15 minutes to plan my goals was cool, but I understand he was trying to prove a point. At the end of his sermon he asked if anyone wanted to share their goals. They all went up and ambitiously shared theirs with the 200+ people in the room. I know a lot said they wanted to improve their relationships with God, change the world, or even become the president. I recently found mine on my iPhone note pad and laughed at how simple they were.

1.Transfer college.. I really thought the college I choose first was the reason why I hate college, but to be honest I just hate college.  Regardless, I did transfer and complete this goal.
2.Get a summer job at a camp.. This is so random, but I'm so happy I did do this goal. I winded up working with my best friend for 2 summers and also was able to realize I love working with kids. I also love being tan. Perks.
3.Learn karate.. I did not ever complete this goal. I believe this goal was pushed onto me when I could not think of one. I'm not sure if this is accurate, but I picture the speaker saying "You could put anything down, just have 3 goals, maybe you want to learn karate..." Sold.

I don't know if this is just me, but making this list made me feel really grateful. This list is entirely about me, and everything I want to do. I don't have to worry about kids, or significant others. The purpose of this list is all about me and what I want to do to make myself happy. I believe being selfish is a perk that comes along with being 20, I know it can't last forever (It could, but then I'd probably be a sucky person- I don't want to be a sucky person). At first I divided this list into 2 sections, a short term list (Fall Semester) and a longer term list (2013-2014), but I just decided to combine the lists and when they happen, they'll happen-

20 year old goals:
1. Become a better mentor for the kids I work with. Focus on them and not the time requirements.
2. Run 80 miles by the 2nd weekend in October in order to get my Penny Board.
3. Get more involved with college.
4. Look for a job upstate, but only accept it if you like it.
5. Make a new friend, who you actually enjoy.
6. If you want to do something, look into it. If it looks possible do it.
7. Learn how to rock climb- or at least try.
8. If something takes less than 10 minutes, get it done ASAP, don't wait.
9. Find my way back to church and get re-develop a relationship with homie J.
10. I'm single- accept it.
11. Don't over think situations in the past, you did what you did, it's okay!
12. LEARN HOW TO STOP ON YOUR ROLLER BLADES HOMIE!!!
13. Go golfing with Gramps.
14. Take Turk for walks weekly.
15. Work hard in school, so you can finish sooner (;
16. Work out more, a lot more.
17. Worry less- there's other ways to show you care.
18. Do something awesome in the summer that involves traveling.
19. Do something awesome in the summer that involves getting paid.
20. Figure out when you will be graduating.
21. Figure out if Peace Corps. is what you want.
22. Learn karate*
23. Consider talking to advisors to help decide what I want.
24. Save money.
25. Get closer with brother- you wont live so close forever.
26. Get TEFL or ESL certification.
27. Kayak much.
28. Look into national volunteer trips.
29. Learn how to ski better.
30. Be open to ideas and people.
31. Stop referring to myself as creepy and bitter.
32. Embrace that I have one best friend, rather than 10 close friends.
33. Explore the East coast, you wont live here forever!
34. Tackle hills on my board.
35. Stand up paddle board.

This list came out a lot longer than I wanted it to be, it's crazy to compare this to my 3 I wrote a few years ago. I want to work on feeling like I'm a better person. I'm fairly certain I'm not a horrible person, but I want to feel confident in knowing that I'm okay. I also realize this list turned really creepy mid-writing it and I just could not stop. I think I was writing this for my future self, so I kept writing "you". I  like it, because this is a list for me.. also because nobody will read this.

* This time I actually want to learn karate and be successful. This doesn't even have to be karate, just some type of self defense. I have been reading blogs on people in the Peace Corps., or people who even just teach English abroad. I feel like a common thing they say is that women are oppressed and treated a lot differently abroad. This makes total sense, but I want to be able to feel comfortable. So this time on the list.. is actually serious.

That's all.